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i live for..

what you want from me.. i can never give.

lyrics that ring very true to me.

i dont practice anymore, but i went to a christian sermon this past sunday with my mom. and for the first time, i have come to a realization. that doesn't happen very often, especially in organized religion (at least for me), that i can come away from it with a real message that rings true to me..

at any rate.. they were basically talking to us (women) about how we are cursed since adam & eve with the desire to be loved by our husbands/boyfriends and to be approved by them. but as soon as we are securely fasten - what have you.. you want them to return the same desire of approval to you. and therefore, expect so much in return.

perhaps, the love i crave can not be satisfied with a person at all, but in numbers of people that contribute positively to my life.

why am i waiting for something spectacular to happen to me? but what i tend to forget it, life is happening right now! and believe it or not, things spectacular happen everyday.. that i dumb down becuz i want something like love to sweep me off my feet.. or some shit like that. and in all honesty, i know the world we live in, it wont happen. and even if it does, it wont last like i'd want it to.

making up for lost time

ooo.. richmond summers. how i love you.
i have spent too many years, just staying in. now its my turn to go out and enjoy myself. my lack of money makes it hard.

i just met drea this summer and it breaks my heart becuz she's leaving. everyone is moving on and out. how long will i be in richmond? after i got back from california a month back, i realized how much i am not done with richmond. i gave myself a year to get myself to san francisco..

..but nothing is certain.

nothing ever is.

to friend or not to friend

do you ever wonder why you are friends with certain people?

time and time again you are let down by them but you keep coming back for more...
is it the longevity of the relationship or the love that's just not going to go away no matter how burned you get..?

it baffles me, how thick my skin has become over the years.

*sigh* oh wells.. they know where to find me when they need me.

house of cards

best music video i have seen in a while..





...i know what i wanna do when i grow up.

true life

ok ok.. horoscopes can be so lame sometimes, and no i dont check mine everyday or anything but this one is 'true life.' it is all about the perspective you have on things. im a pretty optimistic person, so i always seem to be able to hold my head above water. and i tend to forget, i dont need anyone else but me and the big guy to get me where i need to go.

welcome to singledom!

where games are played.
where saving "face" is everything.
where playing it "cool" is important.

i hate having to play it "cool"... why can't i just be up front and honest like i am..?
but that's not what it's all about, apparently there is more to this game than i realized..
i have much to learn i see..

my approach on people in general, has changed. i have learned over the past 24 years that people will come just as fast as they will go. i have learned to not be too excited about new relationships and friendships but to be cautious and to let people prove their loyalties to me. i hate disappointments, not that you can avoid them -- which makes it even more frustrating.

based off these conclusions, have i become a bitter individual?