this is it.

i never thought we would be at this point in our relationship.

but i was wrong.

every fight that we have had these days have just escalated!

tonight we talked about it and we both pretty much came up with a 'break' as the solution to what's ailing our relationship. i never thought a 'break' would lead to another remotely productive for us. and i still don't..

it scares the hell out of me.. the thought of losing mark drives me nuts. he's my family, my friend, my everything. the thought of not talking to him or seeing him for a long period of time is just seems so unheard of..

he expressed to me that he feels enormous amounts of pressure from everyone including me. little does he know that i feel the pressure too and i'm just as unprepared as he is for all this marriage crap..

i look back and think about the stupid fights that we have been having and i feel like such an idiot for saying things to him that i don't mean. why are we so mean to each other these days if we love each other so much?



taking the good with the bad..
kings dominion was super fun with dad and bryan. we spent all day there on saturday, pooped from the sun. saturday was another hot hot day, we met up with alysa for some lunch at o'charleys in midlothian. afterwards we went to the grocery store to get adobo ingredients and then to the laundromat to get some loads done. slurpee's and some laughs at the laundromat. we came home and i started making dinner for us.
i was making chicken adobo. i took off the cover of the pot to stir the adobo and i placed it on the top of the stove top next to the burner i was cooking on. i went to pick up the pot cover and place it back on the pot but it was stuck on the stove top because of the heat suctioned on to it. so i tucked here and there and realized how much it was stuck on there, so i tried an ice cube cool down and loosen up the cover.
bryan walks in from taking jake out for me, i showed him it won't budge and that to leave it there so it cools down on its own. he didn't listen to me and yanked and pulled on it until it came off, but so did the stove.. glass was everywhere even in my feet. of course i was furious with him, even though he was just trying to help me.
its going to be $175 and i need someone to install it.. genesis properties wants to charge me $43 something an hour for their services.. my dad wants to help me install it, but i don't know what the best thing to do is.. i just want to move out and move on already..


a break?

i never believed in taking 'a break' and i still don't believe i do..
we've been fighting a lot and getting on each others nerves pretty easily, but i still don't see how 'a break' will fix that.. we have been able to cope through everything before with no 'break,' i don't see how this time we need one. our 6 year anniversary is coming up and i wanted it to be special but now the idea of taking a break just hurts too much, i would feel as if we were faking to be nice just for one day.. i'm not sure what to do from this point.