creep 101

is this guy for real??
i couldnt help but make an example of him..

he approached me from a professional level, then added me on myspace and just so happened to be co-workers with my friend. he also warned me that he has a good sense of humor but some people may be offended by his site. he had a half naked girl on his background and a picture of a girl with tape over her mouth, saying "shutting bitches up since.."

at any rate.. i had to make an example of his creepy ass..
that is all..





this guy just doesn't quit.. at this point he is blocked from myspace and i spammed his emails..

fellas, dont be this guy!

the clock on my wall

the clock on my wall is now telling the wrong time.
i watched it pretty closely and it seems to tick backwards and then forward from time to time. i'm sure it's due for fresh batteries but symbolically it means something else.

it speaks to me as if i should move on and stop trying to fill that gap, the commitment gap. i guess just like Anson's first day at school, i have been skimming throughout my whole life to find that perfect match. instead, i find someone and try to make them fit. rather than shopping around for what really fits. and if their taken, don't even bother looking especially if they have committed to someone else.

there is no rush on finding him - at this point what time it is is not relevant. especially now at this point in my life. now's the time to take a breather from relationships.

so today, i'm changing the batteries in my clock and mine too.

him and i

im looking forward to the weather warming up, so jake and i can spend more time outdoors together.
i enjoy my time in richmond more with him outside.. its a great combo!
i have noticed that him and i have developed a new relationship, i dont know if it's because his time with me and no one else as increased or maybe the small amount of time i am here at the apt with him during the work weeks.. but i have noticed his neediness for me.

we had a slight tornado watch and the wind was super strong, the rain was coming in sideways on the window and jake whines, nuzzles up next to me, laying his neck across mine like a deer.. what a baby!

the adventures of heather and jake continue...

find and grab hold..

i need to find my confidence and never let go.. i have a hard time grasping that concept.. perhaps it was the humble nature of how i was raised. but damn it i need to get out of that and learn to evoke that confident nature that i know is hiding under that humbleness. it's not even an issue for my profession, it's an issue for me as an individual person. i let people intimidate me and let me down, without a word of resistance.. perhaps i prefer to be none confrontational.. i rationalize that behavior of brushing it under the rug because life is too short to start confrontation...

but who am i kidding... life is a huge confrontation!

what's in a blog?

not everyone is into the whole blog thing.. writing everyday thoughts and letting others spill on what you had to say.. it's beneficial i think for some. it depends on who reads it, i think we tend to judge each other too quickly based off of entries. i have for the most part pick and choose what i want out there.. and what i dont.

i look back on things i spilled on, and im not always confident on everyone in my life to read that..

especially what's happened to me and the past months in recovery... even as pathetic as i think or i know i might have seemed, i think that i needed to go through that and write that in order for me to recover.

the corners of my heart

i just watched 'because i said so' its a movie with mandy moore and diane keaton.
the movie was okay, diane keaton hates seeing her daughter go from one heartbreak to the next..
and finally she intervenes with her love life to help her find 'the one' and with all the right intentions, things turn out to be just the opposite of what she thought was best for her daughter.

i wish that were so for me, my parents thought and knew mark was not right for me, and they were right.. i suppose a huge part of me wanted to prove them all very wrong. i know its only been 5 months since i've been single.. but damn it.. where is he? i want to find him already!

maybe the timing is just all wrong.. and he will come when the time is right.
but here is a list of things i need from him:
- he needs to understand me, needs to get me
- sensitive to my needs
- laughs at himself
- not afraid to admit he's wrong
- won't let me get away with anything
- laughs at my jokes, even when they're lame
- be passionate about something, either what they do for a living or if it's just how they live
- be spontaneous sometimes
- loves all kinds of music, will listen to all of my music and tolerate it
- watch girlie movies with me without complaining too much
- appreciate me and things i want to do for him
- considerate of my feelings and others
- trustworthy
- humble
- not engulfed in the material things
- love me for who i am, not for what they want me to be
- discusses things with me
- talk with me about things for hours into the night

love is just a battle, isnt it?
it's ruthless.. no one wants to be alone in this world.
but we are all looking for something fabulous, what if this is as good as it gets?
what if im too blind to recognize it when he comes my way, and true happiness just passes me by?

but until then, i will breathe in and out and wait around til the day he walks into my life..

hello 2008!

new years are always viewed as fresh starts.. new beginnings, new endings, new everything..
what a relief to have to reason to start a new!

i have so many things i want to accomplish for myself, i need to get started, there are only 12 more months to go! :) somethings: learn and get an acoustic guitar, write my own song, yoga every week, running everyday, finish reading a book, learn how to cook more things, do something new, travel, save money!!!

i want for once to do what i want to do and not let anyone or anything get in my way!