so i have made myself a deadline, by august 2009 to move to san francisco!
love is a such a vendetta!
we make it so hard for each other to love one another..
person A fucks up with person B and breaks B's heart.
so when B feels finally up to dating again, person C comes in but B has trust issues.. who knows if B will ever be able to let anyone in after A screwed it over for the rest of them..
see.. what a cycle.. how come we cant break that? it's because, then how are we to learn from our experiences? if we open up, who's to know if we won't get fucked over by someone else?
i'm tired..
is this guy for real??
i couldnt help but make an example of him..
he approached me from a professional level, then added me on myspace and just so happened to be co-workers with my friend. he also warned me that he has a good sense of humor but some people may be offended by his site. he had a half naked girl on his background and a picture of a girl with tape over her mouth, saying "shutting bitches up since.."
at any rate.. i had to make an example of his creepy ass..
that is all..
this guy just doesn't quit.. at this point he is blocked from myspace and i spammed his emails..
fellas, dont be this guy!
the clock on my wall is now telling the wrong time.
i watched it pretty closely and it seems to tick backwards and then forward from time to time. i'm sure it's due for fresh batteries but symbolically it means something else.
it speaks to me as if i should move on and stop trying to fill that gap, the commitment gap. i guess just like Anson's first day at school, i have been skimming throughout my whole life to find that perfect match. instead, i find someone and try to make them fit. rather than shopping around for what really fits. and if their taken, don't even bother looking especially if they have committed to someone else.
there is no rush on finding him - at this point what time it is is not relevant. especially now at this point in my life. now's the time to take a breather from relationships.
so today, i'm changing the batteries in my clock and mine too.
im looking forward to the weather warming up, so jake and i can spend more time outdoors together.
i enjoy my time in richmond more with him outside.. its a great combo!
i have noticed that him and i have developed a new relationship, i dont know if it's because his time with me and no one else as increased or maybe the small amount of time i am here at the apt with him during the work weeks.. but i have noticed his neediness for me.
we had a slight tornado watch and the wind was super strong, the rain was coming in sideways on the window and jake whines, nuzzles up next to me, laying his neck across mine like a deer.. what a baby!
the adventures of heather and jake continue...
i need to find my confidence and never let go.. i have a hard time grasping that concept.. perhaps it was the humble nature of how i was raised. but damn it i need to get out of that and learn to evoke that confident nature that i know is hiding under that humbleness. it's not even an issue for my profession, it's an issue for me as an individual person. i let people intimidate me and let me down, without a word of resistance.. perhaps i prefer to be none confrontational.. i rationalize that behavior of brushing it under the rug because life is too short to start confrontation...
but who am i kidding... life is a huge confrontation!
not everyone is into the whole blog thing.. writing everyday thoughts and letting others spill on what you had to say.. it's beneficial i think for some. it depends on who reads it, i think we tend to judge each other too quickly based off of entries. i have for the most part pick and choose what i want out there.. and what i dont.
i look back on things i spilled on, and im not always confident on everyone in my life to read that..
especially what's happened to me and the past months in recovery... even as pathetic as i think or i know i might have seemed, i think that i needed to go through that and write that in order for me to recover.
